How to Address a Man Socially
How to Address a Woman Socially


Social Forms of Address for Men and Women

How to Address a Man Socially

—-Social envelope: How to Address a Man Socially 
—-—-Mr. (Full Name)

—-—-Dear Mr. (Surname): Ho

How to Address a Woman Socially
Use of Ms. (Name), Mrs. (Name), or Miss (Name) is at the preference of the individual.

In the United States Ms. is the default honorific for women in business if you do not know their preference. And their preference can vary. An individual may prefer Ms. (Name) professionally and Mrs. (Name) socially. How to Address a Man Socially 

Frequently those who use the traditional form for a married woman, Mrs. (Husband’s first name + Surname), are offended to be addressed as Mrs. (Woman’s first name + Surname) – the traditional form for a divorced woman.  Others say Mrs. (Woman’s first name + Surname) is more useful because it acknowledges their marital status and provides their first name.

Use of Miss (Name) has declined. It is rarely used outside of conservative circles but it’s not dead yet. Some women prefer it and it is still used when addressing young girls. How to Address a Woman Socially

In every case the only advice can be: Check for the preference of the bearer.

—-Social envelope for a Woman: How to Address a Woman Socially
—-—-Woman, undefined marital status
—-——–Ms. (Full name)

——–Woman, married or widow, traditional
——–—-Mrs. (Husband’s full name)

—-—-Woman, divorced, traditional
——–—-Mrs. (Woman’s first name) (Surname)

——–Woman, unmarried, traditional
——–—-Miss (Full name)
—-——–(Address) How to Address a Woman Socially

—-—-Dear Ms./Mrs./Miss (Surname): How to Address a Man Socially 

—-See These Related Posts:
—-—-Couples: Private Citizens
—-—-Couples: Military
—-—-Couples: U.S. Officials
—-—-Couples: Same Sex

Which is the Right Honorific for a Married Woman: Ms. or Mrs?

Follow the link to the post – Mrs. vs. Ms. – for more on traditional and contemporary use.

How to Address a Man Socially   How to Address a Woman Socially 

Whose Name is First? His? or Hers?

When you write the names of both people in a married couple …. whose name is first?  His?  Or hers?  ‘Dear Anne and Steve’ or ‘Dear Steve and Anne’?
—————–– Anne R

On a wedding program we are using all first names. No Mr. & Mrs. (Family Name). Should I list my parents as:
—–#1) Michael and Linda Swaggerty
—–#2) Linda and Michael Swaggerty
—————–– Linda S

On shared stationery – how should we list our names? His name first? My name first? We will be married soon and I have chosen to retain my maiden name. What is the proper way to do it?
—————–– Laura T

Forms of Address: How a conversation begins can have a huge impact on how the conversation - even the entire relationship - develops.

Dear Anne, Linda, and Laura:
When writing two names, and the people are of equal precedence (one is not a judge or an elected official) there are two ways: ‘Traditional Etiquette’ & ‘Other’

—-1) Traditional Etiquette
—-Different Surnames:
—-Social etiquette says when the guests are a couple with different surnames, women are listed first, men are listed second:
—-—-Ms. Laura Thompson and Mr. Henry Baker
—-—-Laura Thompson and Henry Baker
—-—-Laura and Henry

—-Same Surname:
—-Social etiquette says if guests are a couple with the same surname, women are listed first, men are listed second. I’ve seen this described as ‘ladies first’ or ‘keeping his name as a unit.’ Either way the result is the same:
—-—-Laura and Henry Smith
—-—-Laura and Henry

—-2) Other: When Those don’t work
—-The two options above work for husband-wife couples, but what about husband-husband or wife-wife couples? If both halves of the couple are of equal precedence, list them alphabetically by surname:
—-—-Mr. Frank Baker and Mr. Thomas Wilson
—-—-Frank Baker and Thomas Wilson
—-—-Frank and Thomas

—-—-Ms. Amy Clifton and Ms. Maria Yeonas
—-—-Amy Clifton and Maria Yeonas
—-—-Amy and Maria

– Robert    Hickey How to Address a Man Socially   How to Address a woman Socially

How Do I Address A Widow?

For a post on the names of widows, follow the link for Widow.

How to Address a Man Socially      How to Address a Woman Socially

Whose Name Is First When Inviting a Couple?

Whose name is first if I am inviting a couple who use different surnames? She is the one we are really inviting. He’s being invited as a courtesy to her. Alphabetically he is first, but it seems funny to list him first since he is coming as a date?
——————– Mary Harrison How to Address a Man Socially   

We have a couple coming to our event. She’s a judge and she will bring her husband. How do we address the invitation?
——————– Karen Rasmussen How to Address a Woman Socially

Dear Ms. Rasmussen and Ms. Harrison:

—-#1) If ‘Mary Harrison’ is THE guest and he is attending as HER guest … her name goes first.

—-—-Ms. Mary Harrison
—-—-and the Honorable Albert Baker

—-—-Ms. Mary Harrison
—-—-and The Reverend Albert Baker

—-—-Ms. Mary Harrison
—-—-and His Excellency Albert Baker

—-—-Major Mary Harrison
—-—-and General Albert Baker

—-—-Ms. Mary Harrison
—-—-and Major Albert Baker

—-—-Ms. Mary Harrison
—-—-and Dr. Albert Baker How to Address a Man Socially

—-#2) If they are both invited, the person with higher precedence is listed first regardless of gender:

—-—-The Honorable Albert Baker
—-—-and Ms. Mary Harrison

—-—-The Reverend Albert Baker
—-—-and Ms. Mary Harrison

—-—-His Excellency Albert Baker
—-—-and Ms. Mary Harrison

—-—-General Albert Baker
—-—-and Major Mary Harrison

—-—-Major Albert Baker
—-—-and Ms. Mary Harrison

—-—-Dr. Albert Baker How to Address a Man Socially
—-—-and Ms. Mary Harrison

I cover all this and more in the chapters in my book on Joint Forms of Address and Precedence if you need more examples and variations.

– Robert Hickey    How to Address a Man Socially   How to Address a Woman Socially

–_-Related Forms of Address:
—-—-Boy, Girl, Child
—-—-Couples: Military
——–Couples: Private Citizens

——–Couples: U.S. Officials
Couple, Same Sex
—-—-First Names
—-—-Man or Woman, Social
——–Woman, Married
—-—-Mrs. vs. Ms.
—-—-Spouse of an Official

Not Finding Your Question Answered?

—-#1)  At right on desktops, at the bottom of every page on tablets and phones, is a list of all the offices, officials & topics covered on the site.

—-#2)  After checking the list and reading the posts, if you don’t see your question answered send me an e-mail. I am pretty fast at sending a reply: usually the next day or so (unless I am traveling.)  Note: I don’t have mailing or Email addresses for any of the officials and I don’t keep track of offices that exist only in history books.

—-#3)  If I think your question is of interest to others, I will post the question & answer – always changing the names and specifics.

— Robert Hickey

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