How An Organization Should Write a Couple's Name
On a Donor's List When One Has a Special Title?
We are figuring out how to request or names be listed on a donor's list. We see in your book that the most formal way to write our names is Ambassador Kenneth Cole Britt and Mrs. Britt. BUT I want both our names listed and for my wife not to be listed as Mrs. Britt. We are thinking of -- Ambassador Kenneth Cole and Mary Leighton Britt.  I've seen that form used at many museums. Technically I am The Honorable but you don't see that very often in this sort of list. Right?
        -- Ken

Dear Ambassador Britt,
     The Honorable (a courtesy title) is used by others addressing you -- not by you presenting your own name. So, it is reasonable if an organization is honoring a donor, they could indeed list the individual as the Honorable and list your wife with no honorific:
              The Honorable Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
     But if you prefer to see ambassador used with your full name, that is in the style of you presenting your own name  -- and that is reasonable too.
              Ambassador Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
    This logic applies to others who hold other ranks:
              Senator Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
              Judge Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
              Pastor Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
     All could have the Honorable or the Reverend before their name when addressed by others, but not using their courtesy title is O.K. on a list:
      -- Robert Hickey

How to Write the Names of a University President
and Spouse on an Wedding Invitation?
     I love your book, but have a question about University Presidents. I am working on a wedding invitation where the father of the bride is the president of a university.  When invitations go out from the university we use "President and Mrs. John Jones request the pleasure . . ."
     Should the wedding invitation be worded as "President and Mrs." , "Dr. and Mrs." or "President Dr. and Mrs."?  Also, when dealing with an honorary doctorate, do you write out "Doctor" on formal invitations as you do with medical doctors?
        -- Evelyn Cotton

Dear Ms. Cotton,
      Definitely not President Dr. Two honorifics are not traditionally combined in the United States.
      Formally it would be either:
               Dr. John Jones and Mrs. Jones
      Or:
               Dr. and Mrs. John Jones
     The latter is also O.K., it is just less formal than the first form, but is useful when the name is long and space is an issue (clearly not with a name like John Jones.)
     Regarding the abbreviation of doctor, Dr. is correct even on formal invitations. Dr., Mr., Mrs. are abbreviations all used on invitations.
     University presidents are not typically addressed as President (Surname) except in circumstance where they are in the midst of their official duties and someone wants to emphasize his/her office.  University presidents are normally addressed by whatever honorific they are entitled to, typically Dr. and then identified by their office as in:
              Dr. John Jones, President of the University of Delaware
       -- Robert Hickey

How to Include the Mother's Given Name on the Host Line?
The bride's parents are married but have always maintained different last names. Both have PhD's. So I think we just list us both with Dr. and list the woman (me) first. That's the social rule.
          That's the easy part. The part I am struggling with is with the groom's parents. They are married with same last name: the father has a Ph.D., groom's mother does not.  The groom's mother wants her first name mentioned. So Dr. & Mrs. John Minton doesn't work.
         How do I make the program's two sets of names look consistent as they will be right next to each other?
          Parents of the Bride:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick and Dr. David Dexter
          Parents of the Groom:
                    Mrs. Suzanne and Dr. John Minton
                    Mrs. Suzanne Boss and Dr. John Minton
                    Dr. & Mrs. John and Suzanne Minton
          Or just list us all, one name at a time:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick
                    Dr. David Dexter
                    Mrs. Suzanne Minton
                    Dr. John Minton
          Or what? Thank you for your help!!!
          -- Jean W. 

Dear Jeane W.,
          You are right, what would be traditionally correct is:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick and Dr. David Dexter
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Minton
                    request the pleasure of your company
                    at the wedding of their children
          There is a reason why this is a problem without an elegant solution: Some names in your proposed invitation are formal and presented in the traditional way:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick and Dr. David Dexter
          But the groom's parents names are sort of free style:
                    Mrs. Suzanne Minton and Dr. John Minton
          If the groom's mother wants her name listed as Mrs. Suzanne Minton  (Mrs. (Woman's given name)(Surname) is the traditional form for a divorced woman) … then you are stuck with it.
          Good news is that using "and" between the names indicates they are a couple. When the names of parents on an invitation are presented without an "and" between them, it indicates they are divorced.
          You are stuck with something that is a combination of formal and informal … but if everyone is accepting it … that's probably more important than following the rules?  Right?
          FYI, a more elegant, less formal solution is not to use any honorifics:
                    Jean Wennick and David Dexter
                    Suzanne and John Minton
                    request the pleasure of your company
                    at the wedding of their children
          But, I realize, this may not be acceptable to all the doctors!
           -- Robert Hickey

How to Write The Names of Two CPA's as Hosts?
      How should I write our names as the hosts and honorary chairs of a fundraising event if my husband and I are both CPA’s and it is an event where the majority of the participants will be CPA’s.  I use my maiden name professionally.  Will they know we are married? 
      Is this proper:

             -- Linda Fernandez

Dear Ms. Fernandez:
    Several rules apply in joint forms of address.
    #1 rule is – if you and your spouse use different surnames ... you each use your (given name)+(surname).
    #2 rule is – you get an honorific or a post-nominal abbreviation ... never both.  Your husband is either Mr. Roland Rodgers or Roland Rodgers, CPA ... never Mr. Roland Rodgers, CPA
    #3 rule is that the "and" between the names of the hosts on a wedding invitation would indicate you are married, however on business occasions (not at a private social event) the concept is that your marital status is actually not pertinent.
   #4 Traditionally post-nominal abbreviations like CPA are not used on social correspondence. So I would use just your names and not include your CPAs. But if you want to use them on this invitation for this fundraiser,  then use:
                    Roland Rodgers, CPA and Linda Fernandez, CPA
    Check out the posting I have on my page on Invitations.
    If you encounter this sort of thing often, my book has a complete chapter on joint forms of address.
              -- Robert Hickey

How to Include a Wife's Name the Host Line on an Invitation?
          A physician and his wife are co-chairing a hospital event.  How do I recognize them on the invitation?
          Are these the only two options?
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Doe
                    John and Mary Doe
          Anyway to include the wife's first name and also mention husband is a MD??
                    ~ FLT in Lynn, MA

Dear FLT:
          When you want to include the wife's given name, and they are just Mr. and Mrs. a good option is to present their names informally and to drop the honorifics entirely:
                    John and Mary Doe
          Post-nominal abbreviations are not used on social correspondence and invitations, but one could say this is an official function and he is there hosting in an official activity. So you could also argue that using the M.D. might solve the problem:
                    John Doe, M.D. and Mary Doe
          Have you asked them their preference? That might solve things quickly.  But, that said, traditionally and formally it would be either:
                    Dr. John Doe and Mrs. Doe
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Doe
          The issue for many people writing an invitation for their event is – for them it is a formal event – but it is actually not that formal (compared to a State Dinner at The White House.)  I'd suggest they create their dream 'formal looking invitation' but use casual wording that reflects their more informal/casual style. The invitation should reflect the event, and not every event or invitation has to be formal.
         If it is to be a formal invitation, then the traditions for how names are presented with honorifics and titles on formal invitations work well.
           -- Robert Hickey

How To List Hosts, Who are the Children of the Honorees?
      I am writing to obtain your help in answering a question for my husband’s parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary invitation.  My husband, Tom, and I will host the event. What is the proper way to list our names? His parent's names?
     The children of …
     Dick and Jeane Merrill
     Mr. and Mrs. Richard Merrill
              - Barbara Merrill


Dear Ms. Merrill:
     I am not so sure you need to identify yourselves as children. List the hosts as the hosts -- and people will either know ... or figure it out!
     Use whatever level of formality you want ... as long as you do it consistently.
     So ... to honor first

Or list the hosts first and the honorees second

How A Host Uses The Honorable on an Invitation?
    I am writing with a question regarding the use of the Honorable in listings of names that are included on invitations. I work in the communications office at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, N.Y. We hold many events on campus that often include invited guests of our President, Dr. Shirley Ann Jackson, former chairman of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. We are responsible for creating many materials including invitations and programs-for these events.
      Our specific question is, how should we refer to Dr. Jackson on our invitations and programs, and what is the proper etiquette for listing titles for individuals who hold many degrees (both earned and honorary) and are also current or past holders of government offices and are "Honorables".  
     Example: Is it proper to say, The Honorable Shirley Ann Jackson, Ph.D., invites you to join her and the 2010 Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute Honorary Degree Recipients as they come together to discuss Re-Igniting the Innovation Economy: Science and Technology.  I had read that it is NOT proper for someone who is an Honorable to use it in an invitation. Please advise.
          -- DP

Dear DP:
    I've driven by Renssalaer many times ... so I am happy to see your note. What a fantastic institution.

USE OF THE HONORABLE WITH ACADEMIC DEGREES
    In the United States "The Honorable" is not used with scholastic degrees.  It is an honor so high it trumps academic degrees.  
     So NO to:
        The Honorable Shirley Ann Jackson, Ph.D.
    and YES to:
        The Honorable Shirley Ann Jackson

USE OF THE HONORABLE ON AN INVITATION
    On invitations the host/hostess does not identify himself/herself as "The Honorable" ... others address him/her as "The Honorable."  
    So YES to:
        Shirley Ann Jackson, President of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
    Or more likely:
        Dr. Shirley Ann Jackson, President of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
          -- Robert Hickey

Dear VM:
    On a wedding invitation use your social form of address ... so if you are known socially as "Dr. and Dr." ... then use "Dr. and Dr." 
    When each person has a special honorific ... in this case "Dr." ... each gets their full name.
    If you both use the same last name and use Dr. socially the correct way would be

    The "and' indicates you are married.
    Note: I have another Q&A on the topic of a couple ... both doctors.
               -- Robert Hickey

Dear Mr. Hickey
   Thank you very much for your prompt response.  It helps a lot. I can't understand why some wedding etiquette books advise against PhD's using the title of doctor.
           -- VM

Dear VM:
    I edited the new edition of Crane's Blue Book of Stationery ... and it has what I suggest above.
    I think using "Dr." really depends on the source of the information: 
    Sometimes medical doctors often don't think anyone else should use "Dr." One physician wrote to me (in care of this blog) saying that "PhDs want to be "Dr." except when the person next to them has a heart attack or when it comes time to write the check for malpractice insurance."  
    But those in academia and scientific research have a different point of view!
             -- Robert Hickey

How to Word an Invitation
from an Official Hostess & Her Husband?
     Our annual holiday party invitations have always read:

     This year we have a married female Chairman of the Board and I’m struggling on how to word the invitation.  Would the wording below be acceptable?

     This is a semi-formal event held at the Governor’s Mansion.
        -- Debbie at the Alabama Automobile Dealers Association

Dear Debbie,
     What you've been doing isn't strictly casual ... or strictly formal  ... and it's sort of backed you in to a corner!
    There are no rules for casual and informal forms of address  ... everyone does whatever they want to do.
    On my site I am just showing formal forms ... which can be done consistently ... hence their benefit.
    But that said ... how about:

    What do you think?
       -- Robert Hickey

Mr. Hickey,
     That is much better – just needed a professional opinion!  Thank you very much!
        -- Debbie
 

How to Address a Two Doctors?
       I attended a dinner given in the home of a plastic surgeon (him) and a dentist (her).  Both are doctors with their own practice.  When I was introduced it was first names.  How do I address the envelope of the thank you note?
        -- Cecilia Bonnington

Dear Ms. Bonnington:
      I cover how to address two doctors in my book: Chapter Nine - Joint Forms of Address.
      When couples have the same rank ... which they do in this case since the are both Dr.  ... on the mailing envelope they would be listed in the order established in the order in Mr. & Mrs.
        Dr. Adam Wilson
            and Dr. Cynthia Wilson
                (Address)
    or if they use different last names
        Dr. Adam Wilson
            and Dr. Cynthia Smithson
                (Address)
    Then on the salutation, since you are on a first-name basis address them as:
            Dear Adam and Cynthia,
    What I've outlined above is the most formal, so it's never incorrect. Note that I'm intentionally avoiding -- and suggest you do too -- any form that combines their names and "Dr" like Drs. Adam and Cynthia Wilson.
                     -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Couple If She is Dr. & He is Mr.
And They Use Different Last Names?
      My brother (Erwin Wright) and sister-in-law (Monica Vintner) write their names as Wright and Vintner on the return address. She has kept her maiden name, has a PhD, and teaches at a univeristy. What is the correct way to address them on invitations (formal and informal), as well as holiday or anniversary cards?
           -- M. Torres

Dear M. Torres:
     By standard precedence, she is  first since she is a "Dr." Partners with special honorifics (doctorates, military ranks, etc.) are most formally listed first in joint forms of address:
          Dr. Monica Vintner
            and Mr. Erwin Wright
             3333 Smith Court
               Henderson, OH 44444
     That's the formal way.
     But -- if you are addressing informal correspondence ... Hummm.
     Since they list themselves "Wright and Vintner" on their return address -- they have established that to be their casual preference.  For casual correspondence I'd follow their lead and address their envelopes as:
          Wright and Vintner
           3333 Smith Court
              Henderson, OH 44444
     And inside write "Dear Monica and Erwin"
           -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Couple If She is a Dr. and
He is About to be a Dr. But isn't a Dr. Yet?
      I am a calligrapher who is writing wedding invitation envelopes for a couple who has a form-of-address question: A married couple who both use the husband’s surname is being invited.  The woman is a recent medical school graduate.  The man will be graduating from medical school within a few weeks after the date of the wedding.
      How should the couple be addressed on the envelopes of the invitation?
      -- KNR 

Dear KNR:
        1) Officially one only has any degree when one has the diploma in hand.
        2) People with "Dr." have higher precedence than people who are "Mr./Ms." -- unless the "Mr./Ms." is actually the intended guest and the "Dr." is being included only as a courtesy to the "Mr./Ms."  In that case the higher precedence is granted to the intended guest.
        But for this I will assume they are being invited equally ... so ... she is higher.
        So most formally it would be:
                Dr. Cynthia Wilson
                and Mr. Thomas Wilson
                (Address)
        Inside envelope use:
                Dr. and Mr. Wilson
        If this sort of thing comes up often, I cover this in my book.  
        In Chapter 9: Joint Forms of Address, on page 141 I show the variations of 'Doctors' in couples ... for both those using the same surname and different surnames.
      -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Military Officer & Dentist? 
        How do I address an envelope to a United States Navy Captain and a Dentist who are married?
                Captain Joshua & Dr. Brooke Jones?
        -- D. Bainbridge

Dear Mr. D. Bainbridge:
        Most formally people with titles and ranks get their names as a unit ... not combined with another person's name. Since he is in uniform ... military uniformed personnel have precedence over civilians ... so the USN Captain is listed first.
        So the form would be:
                Captain Joshua Jones
                and Dr. Brooke Jones
                (Address)
       -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Military Officer and a Medical Doctor?
What is the correct form for a joint salutation when the wife is a medical doctor and the husband is a Colonel (not sure of the branch)? They share the same last name.  Is there a hierarchy to which is listed first?
    Same question for the address on the envelope: Should the male go first or does a Dr. trump a Colonel regardless of the gender?
         -- Jeanie Farrell in Arkansas

Dear Ms. Farrell:
    1) One doesn’t specify the branch of service on a social letter ... so you are off the hook!  When writing an official letter to a Colonel at his office ... you would include USA or USAF after his name ... and you would need to find out the branch.
    2) In this combination the Colonel goes first: he has an official rank. The doctor has an academic degree, but not an official rank.
    3) Wives of officials are usually written as  "Mrs. (surname)", but since she’s a “Dr.”, it would be acceptable to use her first and last name as I suggest below.
    On the envelope write this line for line (does not have to be indented however):
        Colonel John Wilson
            and Dr. Mary Wilson
                (Address)
    In the salutation write:
        Dear Colonel Wilson and Dr. Wilson,
         -- Robert Hickey

Robert,
     I have a follow-up question. I have been under the assumption that if a couple shares the same last name it is not necessary to repeat it in the joint salutation or the joint mail name. Is it wrong in your opinion to say?
         On the envelope: Colonel John and Dr. Mary Wilson 
         In the salutation: Dear Colonel and Dr. Wilson
     Thank you so much,
         -- Jeanie Farrell in Arkansas

Jeanie,
    I always suggest the most formal way ... figuring formal is never wrong ... and being casual might be. And the most formal way to write any name is do so completely, all on a line by itself.
        Colonel John Wilson
            and Dr. Mary Wilson
                (Address)
    When the couple uses the same last name and the wife uses Mrs. -- you see the following used on a holiday cards but not on anything very formal:
        Colonel and Mrs. John Wilson
            (Address)
    Most formally it's:
        Colonel John Wilson
            and Mrs. Wilson
                (Address)
    When it's the woman who is the official it becomes:
        Colonel Mary Wilson
            and Mr. John Wilson
                (Address)
    Men using the same last name get their full names, wives don't. That's the tradition!
    A salutation is based on what one calls the other in conversation.
        Most formally in a salutation use: Dear Colonel Wilson and Dr. Wilson,
        Less formally in a salutation use: Dear Colonel and Dr. Wilson,    
    I'd use on of the formal salutations until I was ready to use simply Dear John and Mary,
    -- Robert

How to Address a Military Officer & Medical Doctor
... But They Use Different Last Names?

     I need to address an envelope for a husband and wife who use different last names. The woman is a M.D. medical doctor and her husband is a captain in the military.
         -- Pat

Dear Pat,

      1. Standard protocol is that a person with a rank will have higher precedence than a person without a rank. So the captain's name is first. (See also #4 below.)
      2. If this social correspondence then his branch of service ... USA or USN ... is not included. Official would include situations when you are writing to him as a Captain ... and it was regarding his service in the the Armed Forces
      3. If this is social correspondence then she is "Dr." before ... not "MD" after
          Captain William Henderson
              and Dr. Mary Smith
                  (address)
      4. If she is the invited guest and he is being invited as a courtesy ... as her escort ... then the precedence reverses. The guest is granted higher precedence and the guest's name is first.
          Dr. Mary Smith
              and Captain William Henderson
                  (address)
    FYI, your question is answered in my book in my chapter on joint forms of address.
    -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Two Pastors?
    What is the proper way to address a letter to my pastor and his wife is also a pastor? Thank you in advance.
          -- Susan Wise

Dear Ms. Wise:
     I cover how to address two pastors in Chapter Nine: Joint Forms of Address.
     You didn't mention if they both use the same last name ... so I will assume the do.
    And I will also assume you address each as Pastor (surname) in conversation rather than Dr., Father, or something else.
    That said ... on the envelope ... address it to "your pastor" first ... and put the name of "his spouse" on the second line:
        The Reverend Clinton Jones
            and The Reverend Susan Jones
                (address)
    On the salutation to both use:
        Dear Pastors Jones,
      -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Female Pastor & Her Husband?
      How do I address a sympathy card to our female pastor and her husband on the death of her husband’s son from a previous marriage?
    -- nskcomstock

Dear nskcomstock,
    Most formally on an envelope your Pastor is listed first since she is The Reverend (Full Name) and he is a Mr. (Full Name). People with courtesy titles rank higher than people without them.
     And because she has a title ... she gets her whole name as a unit ... not mixed in with her spouse's name. So avoid anything resembling The Reverend Allyson and Mr. Wilson Smith... which is really bad.  
     And assuming they use the same last name ... the most formal would be:
          The Reverend Allyson Smith
               and Mr. Wilson Smith
     In the salutation you could use the form you think she prefers in conversation ....
          Dear Pastor and Mr. Smith,
          Dear Dr. and Mr. Smith,
     Or if you are on a first name basis use:
          Dear Allyson and Wilson,
               -- Robert Hickey

How to Address a Pastor and Her Military Husband?
     My question has to do with addressing envelopes.  Our Pastor, Alyson Smith, of the Presbyterian Denomination, is married to a retired Lieutenant Commander, USN, Richard.  He is to be awarded his PhD soon.  Regardless of the degree, I have not been able to find out how one is to address an invitation, card, or letter to the two of them, together.
         --- Bobbi Sue Minton

Dear Ms. Minton:
    I have an entire chapter on joint forms of address in my book for just this type of situation. I am guessing you are addressing him socially, so ... socially his name is written:
        Lieutenant Commander Richard Smith
    As a member of the clergy, her name is written:
        The Reverend Alyson Smith

RANK WITH A POST-NOMINAL ABBREVIATION
    Regarding his PhD. In the US academic post nominals are never used with a rank. So he can be Lieutenant Commander Richard Smith (or Commander Smith in conversation) or Richard Smith, PhD (or Dr. Smith in conversation if he wants to be address as "Dr.") but never Lieutenant Commander Richard Smith PhD.

USE OF DOCTOR
    Usually holders of PhD's don't use Dr. (name) unless they work in academia or research. E.g., the holder of a doctorate in French who teaches would use Dr. (name) .... The holder of a PhD in finance who works at a bank wouldn't. But ultimately it's his option how he is addressed.