Invitations
Questions & Answers, Frequently Asked Questions, and Blog

How Do I List a Deceased Hostess on an Invitation?        
How to Use Dr. or PhD on an Invitation?        
How to Use "Dr. and Dr." by PhD Parents on an Invitation?         
How to Use of Military Ranks on Invitations?           
How to List a "Military Rank, Retired" on an Invitation?          
Which Form of Rank Should I Use for a
          USMC Second Lieutenant on an Invitation?          
How to List a Judge on an Invitation?         
How to List a Former Official on an Invitation?            
How to List Guests on an Invitation?      
Can I Abbreviate Names on an Invitation?        
Can I Abbreviate Anything on an Invitation?        
Which Do I Write: 3rd, Third, or III?        
Should I Use Honor or Honour on an Invitation?       
How to Write the Year on an Invitation?      
How to Write the City on an Invitation?      

How Address an Invitation to a Bridesmaid?        
How Address an Invitation to a Family?        
How Address an Invitation to a Flowergirl?        
How Address an Invitation to a Widow?        
How Address an Invitation to an Officer (Military?        
How Address an Invitation to an Enlisted Person (Military?    
How Address an Invitation to a Doctor who is a Military Officer?        
Can I Abbreviate Ranks on an Invitation's Envelope?         

How to Use Military Rank & "Retired" On An Invitation
     Could you please assist with the proper wording of a wedding invitation for my son's wedding? My husband retired as a Lieutenant Colonel from the United States Marine Corps, and although the bride's parents are issuing the wedding invitation, our names will appear on the invitation.  The reason for this is that the private club at which my husband (not the bride's family) is a member requires that the name of the club member appear on social invitations.
     My question is whether designation as a "Retired" Marine Corps officer must be indicated on the wedding invitation?  The major problem is that my husband's name and title cover the entire length of the invitation, and there are no more spaces to include (Retired, USMC) on that line.  The bride's family has wondered if guests might assume that my husband is still on active duty.  Our stationer's research with Crane Paper Company (Crane's Blue Book of Stationery) states "When the bride's father is an officer and issues the wedding invitations with his wife, his military title precedes his name."
     The current wording goes something like this:

                                                                                    -- Annie G.

Dear Annie:
    What you've suggested looks good with some comments:
    1) Including the "USMC" and "Retired" would be important at an official event where active-duty officers and retired officers were attending in an official capacity.
    At this social occasion there won't be confusion whether the "Lt. Col." is there in an official capacity.
    2) There also a style of abbreviations used by the armed forces: DOD Abbreviations for Ranks and Ratings, These are service specific -- LTC for the Army, LtCol for the Marines, Lt Col for the Air Force. Capitalization, spaces, and lack of punctuation are as noted. These are always used at official armed forces occasions. Many military protocol officers use them as social events as well. Using them would be immediately understandable to service personnel, but might seem unusual to some civilians.
    3) What Crane means by "When the bride's father is an officer and issues the wedding invitation with his wife, his military title precedes his name" is that the most formal way to write the names would be for the "title" to immediately precede the name:
        Dr. John Edward Smith and Mrs. Smith
        Lieutenant Colonel Maurice Oliver Volentine Green and Mrs. Green

    The "Dr. and Mrs." and the "Lt. Col. and Mrs." are less formal forms.
    The "title immediately preceding the name" is more of an issue with very high officials such as
        The Honorable John Edward Smith and Mrs. Smith
        The Reverend John Edward Smith and Mrs. Smith

    In these case you want to avoid...
        The Honorable and Mrs. John Edward Smith.
        The Reverend and Mrs. John Edward Smith
                          -- Robert Hickey

Should I Use "Five" on an Invitation?
     Sir:
     I am a retired Chief Warrant Office Five. When using my rank on the wedding invitation should I use Chief Warrant Officer Five or Chief Warrant Officer? Is the following correct?:

    I appreciate your guidance.
             -- V/r, John

Dear John:
    The One, Two, Three, Four, or Five (stepped ranks) of Warrant Officer are not used socially. A best option is:
Chief Warrant Officer and Mrs. John Doe
    FYI .... most formally you are Chief Warrant Officer John Doe and Mrs. Doe keeping your rank & name as a unit, but the Chief Warrant Officer and Mrs. version is typical used on invitations where space is an issue.
            -- Robert Hickey

Dear Ms. WP:
    I DO cover warrant officers in my book.
    1) The 1, 2, 3, 4 rankings of Warrant Officers don't appear on a wedding invitation.
    2) Branch of service and active/retired status do not appear with the service member's name in social use.
    Most formally and correctly it should read:
           Chief Warrant Officer (full name) and Mrs. (surname)
    If space is an issue, and this would would be shorter .... but also less formal ....
            Chief Warrant Officer and Mrs. (man's full name)
                    -- Robert Hickey

Which Form of Rank Should I Use for a
USMC Second Lieutenant on an Invitation?
Dear Sir:
      Why is it that when you need a current military protocol handbook you can never find one?  My Department of State handbook mentions nothing about this particular question, so, a friend referred me to you.
      In particular, concerning an invitation, and proper format, for a soon-to-be commissioned Second Lieutenant, USMC, for his graduation and commissioning invitation,  the question is...on the return/RSVP and on the personal "calling card" enclosed, which is more proper...Name, followed by "Lieutenant, USMC" or "Second Lieutenant, USMC?"
      Back in my youth, it was common for Lieutenants to abstain from including either "Second" or "First" in invitations, or on calling cards.  But, what is the current format?
      My brother, a West Point graduate, insists that simply "Lieutenant" is proper, while I, a former NCO, hold that the proper format is to include either "Second" or "First"  Lieutenant on all invitations or calling cards and related items.
      If you would, could you make a call on this and provide a reference or two...have to get these items off to the printers soonest and wish to make sure that the young officer gets off on the right foot?
      Thank you,
      -- Sincerely,
         JWE in Bowling Green, OH

Dear JWE in Bowling Green:
      FIRST about whether it's "Lieutenant" or "Second Lieutenant."
      In the past, forms of address for USA lieutenants varied slightly from USAF and USMC lieutenants which I think is the source of the various “right forms” you are encountering.  But, current DOD directives show forms of address in writing to be identical for all services. Use the form I give on page 209:
        Second Lieutenant (full name), USMC
              (Address)
      1) E.g., The Air Force uses “full ranks” in writing, and “basic ranks” orally. So a (non-com) USAF Technical Sergeant is “Technical Sergeant (name) in writing, and “Sergeant (name)” orally.
      3) The Army, as your brother notes, had used “basic rank” in both instances, but the USA currently uses “full” and “basic” the same as everyone else.  FYI ... here's the current USA document .... see Table 6.1: http://www.army.mil/usapa/epubs/pdf/p600_60.pdf
      SECOND .. All that said .... On a formal invitation (like a wedding invitation) it is typical for junior officers to have their names presented as:

     Note that this is all spelled out (no abbreviations), on two lines.
     This sort of thing is one reason I prepared my book the way I did: I give you the answer, not the history of every form -- That would have made the book 1,576 pages rather than just 576!
         -- Robert Hickey

How to Address Invitations of Military Personnel?
    How do your address outside wedding envelopes for military (Air Force and Army) active and retired, enlisted and officers.  It is not a military wedding however many military will be attending. 
     -- Diane

Dear Diane:
   The correct social form of address on a wedding invitation to active duty officers and enlisted would be
            Rank or Rating Full name
   Examples would include:
            General William Smith
            Ensign Susan Scott
            Chief Warrant Officer Nancy Thompson
            Gunnery Sergeant Brian Tillman
    1) You don't identify the branch of service ... USA, USAF, USN, USMC, or USCG ... after the name on social correspondence (a wedding invitation is social correspondence.)  You do include these on official correspondence.
    2) You don't indicate whether the are "active duty" or  "retired" on social correspondence,
                     -- Robert Hickey

How to Address General Who Is an M.D.?
      My fiance and I are having a terrible time addressing some of our envelopes for our wedding. We have a number of high-ranking military officials that are retired and are medical doctors.
      For example we have a three star retired general (US Army) -- a Lieutenant General who is a physician.
      How do I write this: Lieutenant General James Doe, MD, Retired and Mrs. Janice Doe???
      Does Mrs. Janice Doe go on another line I would assume?
      We are including the women's names on our envelopes because I am a bit of a feminist and hate the idea of leaving off any reference to the woman's identity.
      Thanks for your help!
        -- Carrie Worsham

Dear Ms. Worsham,
    The most formal forms, e.g. how The White House would address an invitation to a Lieutenant General and his wife.  (BTW, they use my book.)
    1) No M.D.: You never use an academic degree with a military rank.
    2) The name of the person with the rank goes first.
    3) You can address your wedding invitations however you like, but as you infer it's traditional that when a couple uses the same last name ... and the woman uses "Mrs." ... woman's first name is not included.    
    Traditionally use of Mrs. (first name) + (last name) indicates a woman is divorced -- e.g., it's how she would be listed on a wedding invitation if they were no longer married, but she and her former husband were hosting the wedding.
    4) Branch of service and retired status are not used on social correspondence.
        So on the mailing envelope:
            Lieutenant General James Doe
                and Mrs. Doe
                    (address)
        And on the inside envelope you use 'conversational forms":
            General Doe and Mrs. Doe
       Or if they are family or very close friends
            Jim and Janice
            Uncle Jim and Aunt Janice
            -- Robert Hickey

How to Address Enlisted USN Personnel on an Invitation?
    I am engaged to a member of the Marine Corps and have several military invitations that I'm trying to address. I seem to have all the Marine's under control with their ranks; however, I have a couple of members of the Navy and am unsure how to address their outer envelope. I know that enlisted Navy personnel have rates (such as HM2) instead of an actual rank, but do not know how you use this on the invitation. Thank you in advance for your help!!i
        -- Katie (and Todd)

Dear Katie (and Todd),
    The USA, USMC, USN, and USAF all have both officers and enlisted personnel. All are addressed the same way on social correspondence: Rank + Name. The most formal way to address an envelope is to do so without abbreviations, spelling out every word. So, for example, Hospital Corpsman Second Class (name) is preferable to HM2 (name) for example.  But when a name gets very long and space becomes an issue ... using the abbreviation HM2 is acceptable.
    USN (branch of service) not included after a name on social correspondence. It is used on official correspondence.)
    You don't say which ranks/ratings your guests have so I can't be much more specific but Cranes Blue Book of Stationery has lots of information on addressing wedding invitations and place cards for your reception.I updated the book with Pamela Eyring (Director of The Protocol School of Washington) last year.
            -- Robert Hickey

How Do I List a Deceased Hostess on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey:
I have a quick question that I am hoping you might be able to answer. A baby shower was to hosted by two individuals. Regretfully, one of the individuals passed away about a week ago. The family asks that the deceased still be listed on the invitation. How would you incorporate her name....
     Posthumously Caroline Giles
          or
    The Late Caroline Giles
 Please advise?
         --- Helen Carley

Dear Ms. Carley:
   I don't think I've ever heard of a deceased person issuing an invitation! Sometimes events are dedicated to a deceased person ...

But what I think you should do is to extend the invitation alone. THEN open the event with welcome toast that would be a loving remembrance ... such as ... "I cannot welcome you today without saying that as we gather to celebrate of the joyous start of a new life, we all celebrate a another life well lived -- that of Caroline Giles. Caroline I were to jointly host this event and nothing would have brought her more joy to than to see this wonderful gathering of friends and family ..... etc."
          -- Robert Hickey

How Do I List a Judge on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey:
When writing a wedding announcement, how should I refer to the judge, who officiates at the wedding ceremony?  Should he be referred to as The Honorable So-and-So or Judge So-and-So?
    --- Elizabeth Levinson

Dear Ms. Levinson:
    Refer to the judge as The Honorable (full name) in writing.
    Call him or her Judge (name) in conversation, on a place card, and in an introduction to other guests.
          -- Robert Hickey

Can I Abbreviate Names on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey.
     The names on my invitation are too wide for the page! What can I abbreviate?
                   ~ Barbara Montgomery

Dear Ms. Montgomery:
    The most formal form is to write out everything on an invitation. That means names in full, including middle names. Rather than use a middle initial, omit a middle name.
                  -- Robert Hickey

Can I Abbreviate Anything on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey.
     Can I abbreviate anything on my invitation?
                   ~ Barbara Montgomery

Dear Ms. Montgomery:
    In names or addresses that are always abbreviated ... e.g.,  Saint is always abbreviated in St. Louis.
    Double compass direction in addresses NW, SW, NE, and SW are always abbreviated.
                  -- Robert Hickey

May I Abbreviate Ranks on an Invitation's Envelope?    
   I am wondering if it is improper to use abbreviated ranks on an invitation's envelope. Would this be correct?
                LTC & Mrs. John Smith   (on the envelope)
                            -- Diana in Baltimore

Dear Diana:
    Most formally everything in an address on a formal invitation's envelope is spelled out ... except for ...
        1) Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr.
        2) State abbreviations: MD, VA, PA ... because that's what the US Postal service requests
        3) ... and by the Armed Services .... the service-specific abbreviations for ranks ..  LTC vs. LtCol vs. Lt Col  ... for the Lieutenant Colonel in the Army, Marines, and Air Force respectively. These are always abbreviated by the U.S. Armed Services on envelopes and everywhere else for that matter. You can use them too, but just make sure you get caps and spacing right or you will put your guest into the wrong service.
    One comment on the way you wrote the name. Most formally when addressing a person who has an honorific, rank or title other than Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr. you shouldn't break up their "honorific" from their name ...
    So rather than:
             LTC and Mrs. John Smith
             The Honorable and Mrs. John Smith
             Judge and Mrs. John Smith
    Most formally it would be:
             LTC John Smith
                      and Mrs. Smith
             The Honorable John Smith
                      and Mrs. Smith
             Judge John Smith
                      and Mrs. Smith
         -- Robert Hickey

Should I Use Honor or Honour on My Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey.
     Should I use Honor or Honour on my invitation?
                   ~ Helen Krell

Dear Ms. Krell:
    Honour with a U is the British spelling so if you are British or Canadian, its perfectly normal. I think it's a bit fancy for an American to use the British spelling unless you also use favour, harbour, colour, vigour, ardour, and humour, too.  But Crane's Stationers report that on well over 1/3 of the invitations they produce -- US customers use the British spelling honour.
                  -- Robert Hickey

How to Write the City on an Invitation?
Everybody I'm inviting knows in which state my ceremony will be. On an invitation should I write “Nashville” or  “City of Nashville?
               -Vicki Cantrell

Dear Ms. Cantrell,
Write (city), (state):  Nashville, Tennessee
    You would write “city” if “city” is part of the cities name: New York City
    With some cities don’t have to have a state … like Washington, DC. But for the others, use (city), (state).
    Our events are so special to us -- sometimes there’s an urge to fancy them up. Maybe “City of Nashville” sounds grand? Resist the urge to embellish. Keep it simple.
              -- Robert Hickey

How Do You Write “The Third” on an Invitation?
Mr. Hickey,
On my wedding invitation should I write my father’s name with a 3rd. or III.
    -- Claire Wagner

Dear Ms. Wagner
On the invitation use Roman numerals ... "III" ... rather “the third” or “3rd.”
   -- Robert HIckey

How to Write the Year on An Invitation?
     On a wedding invitation, which is correct:  “two thousand nine” OR” two thousand and nine” ?  Thank you!  I prefer “two thousand nine”, but almost all of the wedding samples I’ve looked at use “two thousand and nine”.
         --- Paula Koloski

Dear Ms. Koloski:
    Traditional wording would be:
            Two thousand and nine
    The first word in is capitalized.
    If you don't want to include the year ... that's completely acceptable. Most invitations are sent out 4-6 weeks in advance, so it's not confusing not to specify the year. For party invitations it fairly routine to leave off the year.
    But since wedding invitations are kept as "keepsakes" people like to include the year for future reference.
          -- Robert Hickey

How to Use “Dr.” or "PhD" on an Invitation?
      Would you please clarify for me, if a person holds a PhD, should his or her name be Doctor (name) a wedding invitation? Or (Name), PhD ?  Is this true for the father of the bride? The groom? Is the rule for names on wedding invitations and wedding envelopes different that the guidelines for social correspondence?
     -- Beverly Russell, Winchester, Virginia

Dear Ms. Russell:
     Wedding invitations and their envelopes are social correspondence, and follow the standard rules for social correspondence. One rule is ... post-nominals aren't used on social correspondence.
    Holders of academic doctorates working in academia and research usually prefer to be addressed as Dr. (name) socially.
    Holders of academic doctorates working outside of academia and research ... in corporate and business ... usually don't. E.g., holder of a doctorate in finance who works at a bank probably doesn't request to be addressed Dr. (name).  An attorney with a doctor in jurisprudence won’t insist on being addressed as Dr. (name).
    But guessing won’t get you the right answer.
    The key for PhD’s is to find the "the preference of the bearer". It's not up to either of us to decide if someone with a PhD is or is not addressed as Dr. (name) If that's what he or she prefers I will go along with it. A person's name belongs to them.
                     -- Robert Hickey

Use of "Dr." by a "PhD" on an Invitation?
    My daughter is marrying a man who works for a federal agency approving research devices.  He insists that on the wedding invitation his PhD should be recognized by listing him as "Dr. John Mark Smith"  We are from the South and think this is incorrect as it will leave the impression (with those who don't know him and what he does) that he is a medical doctor. I don't want to raise an issue over something inconsequential but am finding it difficult to accept some of the new and more "modern" wedding etiquette as really appropriate. Is it appropriate to list the groom as "Dr. John Mark Smith"  when has a PhD?
     -- Just Paying for the Wedding

Dear Just Paying,
     How a person is addressed ... is their domain. To me it is the first rule of names. If he's says he is "Dr. John Mark Smith" ... that's his name. You should put it on the invitation.
    But, this is not a new and modern etiquette. Those holding non-medical doctorates working outside of academic or research usually don't use "Dr." as an honorific. Maybe he considers his work to be scientific and approves the devises in a laboratory setting?
    I have a friend who says that the PhD's want to be "Dr." professionally and socially except when someone has a heart attack next to them at dinner or when it comes time to write the check for malpractice insurance. She’s an MD … and it’s just her opinion!
                     -- Robert Hickey

How to List a Former Elected Official on an Invitation?
       My group wants to honor and thank a former California State Senator who served our district with distinction in both the State Assembly and State Senate.  She served in the legislature until December 2008.  She was recently appointed to a paid position on a State Board, but that board is being dismantled by Legislature and Governor due to California's budget crisis.
      We are wondering how to list her on the invitations.  We do not want to affront the current State Senator, who will receive an invitation and likely attend.  They are are good friends of each other, and both are good friends of some of the leaders of our organization.  In casual conversation many of us just use first names.  Invitations will also be sent to many who haven't been that close to the the former Senator, but almost everyone in our area considers the former senator as the best to have ever served in the position.  Here's the text:
          You are cordially invited to
          Celebrate the 10th Anniversary of
          (group's name)
          and to Honor
Here is where we need help. Please tell us what won't work, what will do, and what you condsider best:
          Tina Jonas
          Senator Tina Jonas
          Former Senator Tina Jonas
          Senator Tina Jonas, retired
          Honorable Senator Tina Jonas
          Our Senator Tina Jonas
          Our Dear Former Senator Tina Jonas
          or ........................................
     We are putting the invitation to bed next week.
     Thanks in advance for your help.
        -- Mike Mitchell in Los Angeles

Dear Mr. Mitchell:
    Refer to your guest of honor on the invitation as:
        The Honorable Tina Jonas
    Once an 'Honorable' always an 'Honorable'.
    A guest of honor may or may not be identified as to who they are ... but it sounds like people getting this invitation will know who Tina Johnas is.  But, If you feel obliged to identify her you would write something like:
        Former State Senator from California's 41st District
            or
        State Senator from California's 41st District, 1996-2008
    In conversation (orally) she can be addressed as Senator Jonas if that's her preference, which is not inconsiderate of the current State Senator. Positions of which there is only one at a time DON'T continue to use their honorific (governor, speaker, mayor) but positions where many have the same title at the same time (admiral, senator, professor) DO continue.
    Only oddity about State Senators is that they are not addressed as Senator in the presence of a United States Senator because it is thought to be confusing. So in a room with a current U.S. Senator, she would be State Senator Jonas or even Ms. Jonas.
                     -- Robert Hickey

How to Address an Invitation to a Family?
How to Address an Invitation to a Bridesmaid?
How to Address an Invitation to a Flower Girl?
    Dear Mr. Hickey,
    I would be very grateful if you could give me advice on how to best address the following wedding invitations. In case it makes a difference, these are being sent to English guests.
    1. How should we include children on the invitation? Is it
               Dr. John Smith,
                 Mrs. Mary Smith
                    and their children
    or
                 Dr. John Smith,
                  Mrs. Mary Smith,
                    Miss Helen Smith
                       and Master Peter Smith
    or something else?
    2. Does it make a difference when the children have a role in the wedding (e.g. as a flower girl) but the parents are regular guests?
    3. One of the bridesmaids is already married. . Should the invitation to that couple be addressed to
                Mrs. Jane Doe
                  and Mr. Benjamin Doe
    Or the other way around?  Thank you in advance for your help.

Dear Party Planner:
     I am not sure if there is a single correct way ... but here are some options for your English guests.
         1) Most formally when a couple uses the same last name they would use “Mr. and Mrs. (Husband’s full name)”. So your guest would be:
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Smith
    If for some reason you know she dislikes "Mrs. John Smith" and prefers "Mrs. Mary Smith" ... then do it her way. In England many women use "Mrs. (woman's first and surname)."
                    Dr. John Smith,
                       Mrs. Mary Smith
          2) I would use "Miss" for a very little girl but nowadays when girls get to be teenagers they generally prefer "Ms."
          3) "Master" is hardly ever used except in conservative circles and there only for very little boys.  If he’s not a little boy, consider using "Mr."
         4) If your invitation has an inside envelope you can address the outside (mailing) envelope with just the parent's names ... and add the children's names to the inside envelope.  That way the invitation is delivered to the right address ... but the inside envelope makes clear who is invited.
    If your invitation only had one envelope ... then list all on the outside.
         5) Everyone invited should be listed by name. So YES to individual names, NO to "their children".
         6) Regarding the flower girl: Individual invitations are sent to adult children living at home with their parents, but young children are included on their parent's invitation. If you want to send the flower girl her own invitation it would certainly be O.K. Obviously a participant already knows the details of the event, but sending an invitation to a participant can be considered providing them a keepsake.
         7) Regarding the bridesmaid ... same answer as #1 above.
                     -- Robert Hickey

Dear VM:
    On a wedding invitation use your social form of address ... so if you are known socially as "Dr. and Dr." ... then use "Dr. and Dr." 
    When each person has a special honorific ... in this case "Dr." ... each gets their full name.
    If you both use the same last name and use Dr. socially the correct way would be

    The "and' indicates you are married.
    Note: I have another Q&A on the topic of a couple ... both doctors.
               -- Robert Hickey

Dear Mr. Hickey
   Thank you very much for your prompt response.  It helps a lot. I can't understand why some wedding etiquette books advise against PhD's using the title of doctor.
           -- VM

Dear VM:
    I edited the new edition of Crane's Blue Book of Stationery ... and it has what I suggest above.
    I think using "Dr." really depends on the source of the information: 
    Medical doctors often don't think anyone else should use "Dr." One physician wrote to me (in care of this blog) saying that "PhDs want to be "Dr." except when the person next to them has a heart attack or when it comes time to write the check for malpractice insurance."  
    But those in academia have a different point of view!
             -- Robert Hickey

Dear RND:
    I'd address Nell Darwish’s invitation as follows:
    Outside envelope (most formal form for a widow):
        Mrs. George Darwish
        (Address)
    Inside envelope (using whatever call Nell in conversation ... for example):
        Aunt Nell
    Many etiquette books give the form for the inside envelope as ... Mrs. Darwish. The tradition is -- the outside envelope was for the post office -- and as it likely was soiled in route, it was removed by the household staff and only the inside envelope would have been presented to the recipient ... probably on a silver tray. So I say what the tradition really is that you write what you would write on a birthday card you hand carry to a party -- what you call them in conversation.
    So while Mrs. Darwish is not incorrect ... she's a member of the family and I'd use the more intimate form, Aunt Nell, which expresses the warmth that's intended with the invitation.
             -- Robert Hickey