How Do I List a Deceased Hostess on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey:
I have a quick question that I am hoping you might be able to answer. A baby shower was to be hosted by two individuals. Regretfully, one of the individuals passed away about a week ago. The family asks that the deceased still be listed on the invitation. How would you incorporate her name ....
Posthumously Caroline Giles
or
The Late Caroline Giles
Please advise?
--- Helen Carley
Dear Ms. Carley:
I don't think I've ever heard of a deceased person issuing an invitation! Sometimes events are dedicated to a deceased person:
In memory of Caroline Giles
Helen Carley
requests the pleasure of you company
at a baby shower for
Hilda Smith
etc.
But that's still very odd since the event is already in honor of the expectant mother. Sometimes deceased persons are sometimes listed with (years of their life) after their names, like:
Helen Carley
and Caroline Giles (1937-2010)
request the pleasure of your company
at a baby shower for
Hilda Smith
etc. But what I think you should do is to extend the invitation alone. THEN open the event with a welcome toast that would be a loving remembrance ... such as ... I cannot welcome you today without saying that as we gather to celebrate of the joyous start of a new life -- we also celebrate a another life well lived -- that of Caroline Giles. Caroline an I were to jointly host this event and nothing would have brought her more joy than to see this wonderful gathering of friends and family ..... etc.
-- Robert Hickey
How To List Guests on Invitations
Our city has an annual “Holiday Reception”, which provides an opportunity for city officials and community leaders to mingle. On the day of the reception we will have very high-level Canadian visitors. How do we to appropriately show Canadian visitors on the invitation? There is a total of nine Canadians, so I am assuming because of the length, we would list the highest ranking official such as,... “The Right Honourable, full name, Deputy Premier and Minister International & Intergovernmental Relations first. Is it appropriate to say after that, “and his entourage”, or “and honored Canadian guests”?
--- Thank you, KD
Dear KD:
Guests are frequently listed on invitations -- but usually it's when the event is in their honor. It sounds as if this event is not in their honor and they will simply be guests. If that's correct ... then their names would not be on the invitation. If your boss/host or of the event were to recognize their presence and welcome them in his or her remarks at the event -- that would be very appropriate.
If the event IS in their honor ... then use their name(s), but not their job/office. Typical wording would be:
In Honour of
The Right Honourable (Full Name)
The Mayor of Idaho Falls
requests the pleasure of you company
at a reception
Wednesday, the second of December
at seven o'clock
2525 North Water Avenue
Idaho Falls, Idaho
OR In Honour of
The Right Honourable (Full Name)
and distinguished guests from
The Ministry of International and Government Relations
of the Commonwealth of Canada
The Mayor of Idaho Falls
requests the pleasure of you company
at a reception
Wednesday, the second of December
at seven o'clock
2525 North Water Avenue
Idaho Falls, Idaho
In the US we use the US spelling "honor" -- But I'd use "Honour" in this case because it is correct to use "The Right Honourable" for this official since that's the way he is accustomed to seeing his name written at home ... and I think it would be weird to use one with a U and one without a U in this close proximity.
-- Robert Hickey
How Do I List a Judge on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey:
On a wedding announcement, how should I write the name of the judge who officiates at the wedding ceremony? Should he be referred to as The Honorable So-and-So or Judge So-and-So?
--- Elizabeth Levinson
Dear Ms. Levinson:
Refer to the judge as The Honorable (full name) in writing.
Call him or her Judge (name) in conversation, on a place card, and in an introduction to other guests.
-- Robert Hickey
Can I Abbreviate Names on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey.
The names on my invitation are too wide for the page! What can I abbreviate?
~ Barbara Montgomery
Dear Ms. Montgomery:
The most formal form is to write out everything on an invitation. That means names in full, including middle names. Rather than use a middle initial, omit a middle name.
-- Robert Hickey Can I Abbreviate Anything on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey.
Can I abbreviate anything on my invitation?
~ Barbara Montgomery
Dear Ms. Montgomery:
In names or addresses that are always abbreviated ... e.g., Saint is always abbreviated in St. Louis.
Double compass direction in addresses NW, SW, NE, and SW are always abbreviated.
-- Robert Hickey Should I Use Honor or Honour on My Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey.
Should I use Honor or Honour on my invitation?
~ Helen Krell
Dear Ms. Krell:
Honour with a U is the British spelling so if you are British or Canadian, its perfectly normal. I think it's a bit fancy for an American to use the British spelling unless you also use favour, harbour, colour, vigour, ardour, and humour, too. But Crane's Stationers report that on well over 1/3 of the invitations they produce -- US customers use the British spelling honour.
-- Robert Hickey How to Write the City on an Invitation?
Everybody I'm inviting knows in which state my ceremony will be. On an invitation should I write “Nashville” or “City of Nashville?
-Vicki Cantrell
Dear Ms. Cantrell,
Write (city), (state): Nashville, Tennessee
You would write “city” if “city” is part of the cities name: New York City
With some cities don’t have to have a state … like Washington, DC. But for the others, use (city), (state).
Our events are so special to us -- sometimes there’s an urge to fancy them up. Maybe “City of Nashville” sounds grand? Resist the urge to embellish. Keep it simple.
-- Robert Hickey How Do You Write “The Third” on an Invitation?
Mr. Hickey,
On my wedding invitation should I write my father’s name with a 3rd. or III.
-- Claire Wagner Dear Ms. Wagner
On the invitation use Roman numerals ... "III" ... rather “the third” or “3rd.”
-- Robert HIckey
How to Write the Year on An Invitation?
On a wedding invitation, which is correct: “two thousand nine” OR” two thousand and nine” ? Thank you! I prefer “two thousand nine”, but almost all of the wedding samples I’ve looked at use “two thousand and nine”.
--- Paula Koloski
Dear Ms. Koloski:
Traditional wording would be:
Two thousand and nine
The first word in is capitalized.
If you don't want to include the year ... that's completely acceptable. Most invitations are sent out 4-6 weeks in advance, so it's not confusing not to specify the year. For party invitations it fairly routine to leave off the year.
But since wedding invitations are kept as "keepsakes" people like to include the year for future reference.
-- Robert Hickey
How to Use “Dr.” or "PhD" on an Invitation?
Would you please clarify for me, if a person holds a PhD, should his or her name be Doctor (name) a wedding invitation? Or (Name), PhD ? Is this true for the father of the bride? The groom? Is the rule for names on wedding invitations and wedding envelopes different that the guidelines for social correspondence?
-- Beverly Russell, Winchester, Virginia
Dear Ms. Russell:
Wedding invitations and their envelopes are social correspondence, and follow the standard rules for social correspondence. One rule is ... post-nominals aren't used on social correspondence.
Holders of academic doctorates working in academia and research usually prefer to be addressed as Dr. (name) socially.
Holders of academic doctorates working outside of academia and research ... in corporate and business ... usually don't. E.g., holder of a doctorate in finance who works at a bank probably doesn't request to be addressed Dr. (name). An attorney with a doctor in jurisprudence won’t insist on being addressed as Dr. (name).
But guessing won’t get you the right answer.
The key for PhD’s is to find the the preference of the bearer. It's not up to either of us to decide if someone with a PhD is or is not addressed as Dr. (name). If that's what he or she prefers I will go along with it. A person's name belongs to them.
-- Robert Hickey
Use of "Dr." by a "PhD" on an Invitation?
My daughter is marrying a man who works for a federal agency approving research devices. He insists that on the wedding invitation his PhD should be recognized by listing him as "Dr. John Mark Smith" We are from the South and think this is incorrect as it will leave the impression (with those who don't know him and what he does) that he is a medical doctor. I don't want to raise an issue over something inconsequential but am finding it difficult to accept some of the new and more "modern" wedding etiquette as really appropriate. Is it appropriate to list the groom as "Dr. John Mark Smith" when has a PhD?
-- Just Paying for the Wedding
Dear Just Paying,
How a person is addressed ... is their domain. To me it is the first rule of names. If he's says he is "Dr. John Mark Smith" ... that's his name. You should put it on the invitation.
But, this is not a new and modern etiquette. Those holding non-medical doctorates working outside of academic or research usually don't use "Dr." as an honorific. Maybe he considers his work to be scientific and approves the devises in a laboratory setting?
I have a friend who says that the PhD's want to be "Dr." professionally and socially except when someone has a heart attack next to them at dinner or when it comes time to write the check for malpractice insurance. She’s an MD … and it’s just her opinion!
-- Robert Hickey
How to List a Former Elected Official on an Invitation?
My group wants to honor and thank a former California State Senator who served our district with distinction in both the State Assembly and State Senate. She served in the legislature until December 2008. She was recently appointed to a paid position on a State Board, but that board is being dismantled by Legislature and Governor due to California's budget crisis.
We are wondering how to list her on the invitations. We do not want to affront the current State Senator, who will receive an invitation and likely attend. They are are good friends of each other, and both are good friends of some of the leaders of our organization. In casual conversation many of us just use first names. Invitations will also be sent to many who haven't been that close to the the former Senator, but almost everyone in our area considers the former senator as the best to have ever served in the position. Here's the text:
You are cordially invited to
Celebrate the 10th Anniversary of
(group's name)
and to Honor
Here is where we need help. Please tell us what won't work, what will do, and what you condsider best:
Tina Jonas
Senator Tina Jonas
Former Senator Tina Jonas
Senator Tina Jonas, retired
Honorable Senator Tina Jonas
Our Senator Tina Jonas
Our Dear Former Senator Tina Jonas
or ........................................
We are putting the invitation to bed next week.
Thanks in advance for your help.
-- Mike Mitchell in Los Angeles
Dear Mr. Mitchell:
Refer to your guest of honor on the invitation as:
The Honorable Tina Jonas
Once an 'Honorable' always an 'Honorable'.
A guest of honor may or may not be identified as to who they are ... but it sounds like people getting this invitation will know who Tina Johnas is. But, If you feel obliged to identify her you would write something like:
Former State Senator from California's 41st District
or
State Senator from California's 41st District, 1996-2008
In conversation (orally) she can be addressed as Senator Jonas if that's her preference, which is not inconsiderate of the current State Senator. Positions of which there is only one at a time DON'T continue to use their honorific (governor, speaker, mayor) but positions where many have the same title at the same time (admiral, senator, professor) DO continue.
Only oddity about State Senators is that they are not addressed as Senator in the presence of a United States Senator because it is thought to be confusing. So in a room with a current U.S. Senator, she would be State Senator Jonas or even Ms. Jonas.
-- Robert Hickey
How to Address an Invitation to a Family?
How to Address an Invitation to a Bridesmaid?
How to Address an Invitation to a Flower Girl?
Dear Mr. Hickey,
I would be very grateful if you could give me advice on how to best address the following wedding invitations. In case it makes a difference, these are being sent to English guests.
1. How should we include children on the invitation? Is it
Dr. John Smith,
Mrs. Mary Smith
and their children
or
Dr. John Smith,
Mrs. Mary Smith,
Miss Helen Smith
and Master Peter Smith
or something else?
2. Does it make a difference when the children have a role in the wedding (e.g. as a flower girl) but the parents are regular guests?
3. One of the bridesmaids is already married. . Should the invitation to that couple be addressed to
Mrs. Jane Doe
and Mr. Benjamin Doe
Or the other way around? Thank you in advance for your help.
Dear Party Planner:
I am not sure if there is a single correct way ... but here are some options for your English guests.
1) Most formally when a couple uses the same last name they would use “Mr. and Mrs. (Husband’s full name)”. So your guest would be:
Dr. and Mrs. John Smith
If for some reason you know she dislikes "Mrs. John Smith" and prefers "Mrs. Mary Smith" ... then do it her way. In England many women use "Mrs. (woman's first and surname)."
Dr. John Smith,
Mrs. Mary Smith
2) I would use "Miss" for a very little girl but nowadays when girls get to be teenagers they generally prefer "Ms."
3) "Master" is hardly ever used except in conservative circles and there only for very little boys. If he’s not a little boy, consider using "Mr."
4) If your invitation has an inside envelope you can address the outside (mailing) envelope with just the parent's names ... and add the children's names to the inside envelope. That way the invitation is delivered to the right address ... but the inside envelope makes clear who is invited.
If your invitation only had one envelope ... then list all on the outside.
5) Everyone invited should be listed by name. So YES to individual names, NO to "their children".
6) Regarding the flower girl: Individual invitations are sent to adult children living at home with their parents, but young children are included on their parent's invitation. If you want to send the flower girl her own invitation it would certainly be O.K. Obviously a participant already knows the details of the event, but sending an invitation to a participant can be considered providing them a keepsake.
7) Regarding the bridesmaid ... same answer as #1 above.
-- Robert Hickey
Use of "Dr. and Dr." by PhD Parents on an Invitation?
My husband and I have PhD degrees and are often addressed as Dr. (name) in social and academic circles. We are parents of the bride-to-be and are confused about what titles we should use on the wedding invitation. Should we use Mr. and Mrs. or Dr. and Dr.?
-- VM
Dear VM:
On a wedding invitation use your social form of address ... so if you are known socially as "Dr. and Dr." ... then use "Dr. and Dr."
When each person has a special honorific ... in this case "Dr." ... each gets their full name.
If you both use the same last name and use Dr. socially the correct way would be
Dr. Anthony Montana
and Dr. Mazie Montana
request the honor of your presence
The "and' indicates you are married.
Note: I have another Q&A on the topic of a couple ... both doctors.
-- Robert Hickey Dear Mr. Hickey
Thank you very much for your prompt response. It helps a lot. I can't understand why some wedding etiquette books advise against PhD's using the title of doctor.
-- VM Dear VM:
I edited the new edition of Crane's Blue Book of Stationery ... and it has what I suggest above.
I think using "Dr." really depends on the source of the information:
Medical doctors often don't think anyone else should use "Dr." One physician wrote to me (in care of this blog) saying that "PhDs want to be "Dr." except when the person next to them has a heart attack or when it comes time to write the check for malpractice insurance."
But those in academia have a different point of view!
-- Robert Hickey
How to Address an Invitation to a Widow?
How should I address an invitation to my aunt -- Nell Darwish. My Uncle George (her husband) has been dead for 20 years.
-- RND, Nashville
Dear RND:
Here's the most formal, traditional answer:
Outside envelope (most formal form for a widow):
Mrs. George Darwish
(Address)
Inside envelope (using whatever call Nell in conversation ... for example):
Aunt Nell
Many etiquette books give the form for the inside envelope as ... Mrs. Darwish. The tradition is -- the outside envelope was for the post office -- and as it likely was soiled in route, it was removed by the household staff and only the inside envelope would have been presented to the recipient ... probably on a silver tray. So I say what the tradition really is that you write what you would write on a birthday card you hand carry to a party -- what you call them in conversation.
So while Mrs. Darwish is not incorrect ... she's a member of the family and I'd use the more intimate form, Aunt Nell, which expresses the warmth that's intended with the invitation.
-- Robert Hickey
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