How An Organization Should Write a Couple's Name
On a Donor's List When One Has a Special Title?
We are figuring out how to request or names be listed on a donor's list. We see in your book that the most formal way to write our names is Ambassador Kenneth Cole Britt and Mrs. Britt. BUT I want both our names listed and for my wife not to be listed as Mrs. Britt. We are thinking of -- Ambassador Kenneth Cole and Mary Leighton Britt.  I've seen that form used at many museums. Technically I am The Honorable but you don't see that very often in this sort of list. Right?
        -- Ken

Dear Ambassador Britt,
     The Honorable (a courtesy title) is used by others addressing you -- not by you presenting your own name. So, it is reasonable if an organization is honoring a donor, they could indeed list the individual as the Honorable and list your wife with no honorific:
              The Honorable Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
     But if you prefer to see ambassador used with your full name, that is in the style of you presenting your own name  -- and that is reasonable too.
              Ambassador Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
    This logic applies to others who hold other ranks:
              Senator Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
              Judge Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
              Pastor Kenneth Cole Britt and Mary Leighton Britt
     All could have the Honorable or the Reverend before their name when addressed by others, but not using their courtesy title is O.K. on a list:
      -- Robert Hickey

How to Write the Names of a University President
and Spouse on an Wedding Invitation?
     I love your book, but have a question about University Presidents. I am working on a wedding invitation where the father of the bride is the president of a university.  When invitations go out from the university we use "President and Mrs. John Jones request the pleasure . . ."
     Should the wedding invitation be worded as "President and Mrs." , "Dr. and Mrs." or "President Dr. and Mrs."?  Also, when dealing with an honorary doctorate, do you write out "Doctor" on formal invitations as you do with medical doctors?
        -- Evelyn Cotton

Dear Ms. Cotton,
      Definitely not President Dr. Two honorifics are not traditionally combined in the United States.
      Formally it would be either:
               Dr. John Jones and Mrs. Jones
      Or:
               Dr. and Mrs. John Jones
     The latter is also O.K., it is just less formal than the first form, but is useful when the name is long and space is an issue (clearly not with a name like John Jones.)
     Regarding the abbreviation of doctor, Dr. is correct even on formal invitations. Dr., Mr., Mrs. are abbreviations all used on invitations.
     University presidents are not typically addressed as President (Surname) except in circumstance where they are in the midst of their official duties and someone wants to emphasize his/her office.  University presidents are normally addressed by whatever honorific they are entitled to, typically Dr. and then identified by their office as in:
              Dr. John Jones, President of the University of Delaware
       -- Robert Hickey

How to Include the Mother's Given Name on the Host Line?
The bride's parents are married but have always maintained different last names. Both have PhD's. So I think we just list us both with Dr. and list the woman (me) first. That's the social rule.
          That's the easy part. The part I am struggling with is with the groom's parents. They are married with same last name: the father has a Ph.D., groom's mother does not.  The groom's mother wants her first name mentioned. So Dr. & Mrs. John Minton doesn't work.
         How do I make the program's two sets of names look consistent as they will be right next to each other?
          Parents of the Bride:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick and Dr. David Dexter
          Parents of the Groom:
                    Mrs. Suzanne and Dr. John Minton
                    Mrs. Suzanne Boss and Dr. John Minton
                    Dr. & Mrs. John and Suzanne Minton
          Or just list us all, one name at a time:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick
                    Dr. David Dexter
                    Mrs. Suzanne Minton
                    Dr. John Minton
          Or what? Thank you for your help!!!
          -- Jean W. 

Dear Jeane W.,
          You are right, what would be traditionally correct is:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick and Dr. David Dexter
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Minton
                    request the pleasure of your company
                    at the wedding of their children
          There is a reason why this is a problem without an elegant solution: Some names in your proposed invitation are formal and presented in the traditional way:
                    Dr. Jean Wennick and Dr. David Dexter
          But the groom's parents names are sort of free style:
                    Mrs. Suzanne Minton and Dr. John Minton
          If the groom's mother wants her name listed as Mrs. Suzanne Minton  (Mrs. (Woman's given name)(Surname) is the traditional form for a divorced woman) … then you are stuck with it.
          Good news is that using "and" between the names indicates they are a couple. When the names of parents on an invitation are presented without an "and" between them, it indicates they are divorced.
          You are stuck with something that is a combination of formal and informal … but if everyone is accepting it … that's probably more important than following the rules?  Right?
          FYI, a more elegant, less formal solution is not to use any honorifics:
                    Jean Wennick and David Dexter
                    Suzanne and John Minton
                    request the pleasure of your company
                    at the wedding of their children
          But, I realize, this may not be acceptable to all the doctors!
           -- Robert Hickey

How to Write The Names of Two CPA's as Hosts?
      How should I write our names as the hosts and honorary chairs of a fundraising event if my husband and I are both CPA’s and it is an event where the majority of the participants will be CPA’s.  I use my maiden name professionally.  Will they know we are married? 
      Is this proper:

             -- Linda Fernandez

Dear Ms. Fernandez:
    Several rules apply in joint forms of address.
    #1 rule is – if you and your spouse use different surnames ... you each use your (given name)+(surname).
    #2 rule is – you get an honorific or a post-nominal abbreviation ... never both.  Your husband is either Mr. Roland Rodgers or Roland Rodgers, CPA ... never Mr. Roland Rodgers, CPA
    #3 rule is that the "and" between the names of the hosts on a wedding invitation would indicate you are married, however on business occasions (not at a private social event) the concept is that your marital status is actually not pertinent.
   #4 Traditionally post-nominal abbreviations like CPA are not used on social correspondence. So I would use just your names and not include your CPAs. But if you want to use them on this invitation for this fundraiser,  then use:
                    Roland Rodgers, CPA and Linda Fernandez, CPA
    Check out the posting I have on my page on Invitations.
    If you encounter this sort of thing often, my book has a complete chapter on joint forms of address.
              -- Robert Hickey

How to Include a Wife's Name the Host Line on an Invitation?
          A physician and his wife are co-chairing a hospital event.  How do I recognize them on the invitation?
          Are these the only two options?
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Doe
                    John and Mary Doe
          Anyway to include the wife's first name and also mention husband is a MD??
                    ~ FLT in Lynn, MA

Dear FLT:
          When you want to include the wife's given name, and they are just Mr. and Mrs. a good option is to present their names informally and to drop the honorifics entirely:
                    John and Mary Doe
          Post-nominal abbreviations are not used on social correspondence and invitations, but one could say this is an official function and he is there hosting in an official activity. So you could also argue that using the M.D. might solve the problem:
                    John Doe, M.D. and Mary Doe
          Have you asked them their preference? That might solve things quickly.  But, that said, traditionally and formally it would be either:
                    Dr. John Doe and Mrs. Doe
                    Dr. and Mrs. John Doe
          The issue for many people writing an invitation for their event is – for them it is a formal event – but it is actually not that formal (compared to a State Dinner at The White House.)  I'd suggest they create their dream 'formal looking invitation' but use casual wording that reflects their more informal/casual style. The invitation should reflect the event, and not every event or invitation has to be formal.
         If it is to be a formal invitation, then the traditions for how names are presented with honorifics and titles on formal invitations work well.
           -- Robert Hickey

How To List Hosts, Who are the Children of the Honorees?
      I am writing to obtain your help in answering a question for my husband’s parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary invitation.  My husband, Tom, and I will host the event. What is the proper way to list our names? His parent's names?
     The children of …
     Dick and Jeane Merrill
     Mr. and Mrs. Richard Merrill
              - Barbara Merrill


Dear Ms. Merrill:
     I am not so sure you need to identify yourselves as children. List the hosts as the hosts -- and people will either know ... or figure it out!
     Use whatever level of formality you want ... as long as you do it consistently.
     So ... to honor first

Or list the hosts first and the honorees second

How A Host Uses The Honorable on an Invitation?
    I am writing with a question regarding the use of the Honorable in listings of names that are included on invitations. I work in the communications office at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, N.Y. We hold many events on campus that often include invited guests of our President, Dr. Shirley Ann Jackson, former chairman of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. We are responsible for creating many materials including invitations and programs-for these events.
      Our specific question is, how should we refer to Dr. Jackson on our invitations and programs, and what is the proper etiquette for listing titles for individuals who hold many degrees (both earned and honorary) and are also current or past holders of government offices and are "Honorables".  
     Example: Is it proper to say, The Honorable Shirley Ann Jackson, Ph.D., invites you to join her and the 2010 Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute Honorary Degree Recipients as they come together to discuss Re-Igniting the Innovation Economy: Science and Technology.  I had read that it is NOT proper for someone who is an Honorable to use it in an invitation. Please advise.
          -- DP

Dear DP:
    I've driven by Renssalaer many times ... so I am happy to see your note. What a fantastic institution.

USE OF THE HONORABLE WITH ACADEMIC DEGREES
    In the United States "The Honorable" is not used with scholastic degrees.  It is an honor so high it trumps academic degrees.  
     So NO to:
        The Honorable Shirley Ann Jackson, Ph.D.
    and YES to:
        The Honorable Shirley Ann Jackson

USE OF THE HONORABLE ON AN INVITATION
    On invitations the host/hostess does not identify himself/herself as "The Honorable" ... others address him/her as "The Honorable."  
    So YES to:
        Shirley Ann Jackson, President of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
    Or more likely:
        Dr. Shirley Ann Jackson, President of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
          -- Robert Hickey

Dear VM:
    On a wedding invitation use your social form of address ... so if you are known socially as "Dr. and Dr." ... then use "Dr. and Dr." 
    When each person has a special honorific ... in this case "Dr." ... each gets their full name.
    If you both use the same last name and use Dr. socially the correct way would be

    The "and' indicates you are married.
    Note: I have another Q&A on the topic of a couple ... both doctors.
               -- Robert Hickey

Dear Mr. Hickey
   Thank you very much for your prompt response.  It helps a lot. I can't understand why some wedding etiquette books advise against PhD's using the title of doctor.
           -- VM

Dear VM:
    I edited the new edition of Crane's Blue Book of Stationery ... and it has what I suggest above.
    I think using "Dr." really depends on the source of the information: 
    Sometimes medical doctors often don't think anyone else should use "Dr." One physician wrote to me (in care of this blog) saying that "PhDs want to be "Dr." except when the person next to them has a heart attack or when it comes time to write the check for malpractice insurance."  
    But those in academia and scientific research have a different point of view!
             -- Robert Hickey

How to Word an Invitation
from an Official Hostess & Her Husband?
     Our annual holiday party invitations have always read:

     This year we have a married female Chairman of the Board and I’m struggling on how to word the invitation.  Would the wording below be acceptable?

     This is a semi-formal event held at the Governor’s Mansion.
        -- Debbie at the Alabama Automobile Dealers Association

Dear Debbie,
     What you've been doing isn't strictly casual ... or strictly formal  ... and it's sort of backed you in to a corner!
    There are no rules for casual and informal forms of address  ... everyone does whatever they want to do.
    On my site I am just showing formal forms ... which can be done consistently ... hence their benefit.
    But that said ... how about:

    What do you think?
       -- Robert Hickey

Mr. Hickey,
     That is much better – just needed a professional opinion!  Thank you very much!
        -- Debbie
 

Is The Spouse of an Official Listed as Hostess
On the Host Line on an Official Invitation?
     In your book you show all the options of how to list a husband and wife as host and hostess of an event.
     What if a husband is president of a company and invites his direct reports with spouses to a dinner party off site (but not at the president's house)?  Should the invitation state the president as the host and his wife as the hostess? Or just the president as the host?
       -- Rhonda

Dear Rhonda,
     There could be a company policy in a particular company stating a policy to the contrary, but it's typical when a corporate exec hosts employees and their spouses ... and the exec's spouse assumes the duties and responsibilities of a co-host (hostess) ... for the exec's spouse to be listed on the invitation.  I asked some graduates of The Protocol School of Washington® to comment on what they do in their environment:
    From Protocol Officers at Military Bases:
    It would be common for social events (dinner's etc.) but not for ceremonies. On the invitation we always list both names if spouses were invited to the event. i.e.:

    From a Protocol Officer at a Museum:
    If the Chairman of our Board and his wife are serving as hosts, we include the wife on the invitation to telegraph that spouses are welcome. We would do this even if the event is not in their residence.  We also include the spouse if the event is for families, again to signal that the event is open to families.
    From Protocol Officers at Universities:
    Yes, we include the spouse of the official on the invitation if they will act as host/hostess of the event even if the University is paying. For us, it is more a question if she (or he) is actually going to participate.
    From, of course from political situations show below.
        -- Robert Hickey
 

How to Write The Name of a Spouse
When She is the Official Hostess?
        The Commanding General's wife is hosting a luncheon for the spouses of a group of foreign students.  Does the invitation read:
                Mrs. John Buchanan
                requests the pleasure of your company
                        or
                Mrs. Brooke Buchanan
                requests the pleasure of your company
        Thanks for your help!
        -- D.R.

Dear D.R.,
        The final answer will depend on Mrs. Buchanan.
        If it is the government which is paying for the invitation and event, then she's doing so as the "Mrs." of "John Buchanan" … So Mrs. John Buchanan is correct.
        [Spouses, e.g., a First Lady, traditionally issue official invitations as Mrs. (surname).  So following that style, Mrs. Buchanan would also be correct. See the invitations (see below) from Mrs. Roosevelt and Mrs. Clinton.]
        However, spouses have also issued official invitations in which their given names appear.  E.g., the White House issued invitations from Mrs. Laura Bush (see below). In the case of Mrs. Bush #43, was this done to define for historians the invitation was not issued by another First Lady, Mrs. Bush #41 -- Barbara Bush? Was it for clarity? Was it changing styles? Who knows?
        Whatever Mrs. Bush #43's reason, Mrs. Obama has issued invitations as Mrs. Michelle Obama (see below).
        So, if your Mrs. Buchanan wants Mrs. Brooke Buchanan, there are precedents for a spouse issuing an invitation to an event for which she is not personally paying.
        -- Robert Hickey

How to Address an Envelope to TRH William and Kate?
        How should I address a letter to the Their Royal Highnesses Prince William and his bride, Catherine?  I want to send a note which is jointly addressed.  
        From what I read there could technically be several correct joint forms, but the best one would be a matter of style:  I don't know which one would be the most preferred:
            HRH The Prince William
                        and HRH The Princess William
            TRH The Prince and Princess William
                        (but, normally the most formal form is to write a name by itself, not combined)
            HRH The Prince William
                        and HRH The Duchess of Cambridge
            TRH The Duke and Duchess of  Cambridge
                        (but, this might lower him!)
        -- Royal Watcher 

Dear R.W.:
        Before I could figure this out, I got this reply from Chris Young, President of Protocol Diplomacy International - Protocol Officers Association, and truthfully, I could not improve on his explanation.
        He writes:
         I would choose
                TRH The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
         Simple reasoning – this is the style the Palace uses with almost complete exclusivity.  It is the style on their website, on the Prince of Wales’ website, in the official diaries, in press releases and other correspondence.  If it is good enough for Buckingham Palace, then it is good enough for me.
         You make a good point that a “duke” is technically lower than a “prince.”  However, this is ameliorated by the HRH style.  In British royal protocol, the HRH designation is reserved for the Royal Family – and, in specific, these three groups:

        ** The sons and daughters of the Sovereign

        ** The grandchildren legitimately born by male offspring.  This explains why Beatrice and Eugenie, the children of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, are princesses, but Peter and Zara Phillips, the children of Princess Anne, The Princess Royal, are not.  A modern exception to this rule is that the children of TRH The Earl and Countess of Wessex (Edward and Sophie) are not styled HRH at the choice of their parents and with consent of the Palace.

        ** The children of heirs presumptive, i.e., the children of the eldest son of the Prince of Wales – in this case, any children born to Prince William. (This presents a curious situation, because, technically, any children born to Prince Harry if his father were on the throne would be styled HRH but not if his grandmother were still reigning.  The Queen, though, can rectify that by a stroke of her pen.)

        Letters patent (an open document issued by a monarch or government conferring a patent or other right) issued by the Queen are often used to grant the title of prince or princess and the style of HRH.  (She used this device to create her husband, then Duke Edinburgh, as The Prince Philip in 1957.  She likewise created her aunt, Alice, as The Princess Alice in the 1970s.)  One such document contemplated your conundrum and described the use of HRH in this way:  “This [using HRH] is especially important when a prince holds another title such as duke (or a princess, the title of duchess) by which he or she would normally be addressed.  Using the style His (or Her) Royal Highness is directly associated with being a Prince of Princess of the United Kingdom.”
         And we see this playing out all the time. Technically Philip is HRH The Prince Philip The Duke of Edinburgh, but he is often referred to, even formally, as HRH The Duke of Edinburgh. In Scotland, Charles is HRH The Duke of Rothesay – not the Prince of Wales.  Andrew is always HRH The Duke of York. And Edward is always HRH The Earl of Wessex.
        In sum, royal peers (those who hold dukedoms or earldoms) remain princes.  However, their peerage is in addition in – never in lieu of – their princely style.
         Thank you, Chris!
        -- Robert Hickey

Whose Name First on a Royal Wedding Invitation:
Prince William's or Catherine Middleton's?
      I have been engaged by our local military as a consultant for an event. They want to hold a black-tie dinner to celebrate the marriage of Prince William and Catherine Middleton. I am responsible for most of the arrangements and will provide a dining etiquette presentation to the guests. I am just putting together the invitations and have written Prince William's name before Catherine's. Would you agree? I have been in contact with the office of the private secretary to Prince William on other matters and they have been very helpful but I am to embarrassed to ask them, I should really know these things. I thought I would ask the expert!
           -- Jan C. in Ontario

Dear Jan C. in  Ontario:
    Interesting question!
    Among commoners typically the bride's name is first: The parent's of the bride invite you to the marriage of their daughter to this man, etc. But in this case his name is first since he is royalty.
    See the three invitations below. All list the royal person first:
        1. The recently married Crown Princess of Sweden to Daniel Westling, a commoner.
        2. The Prince of Wales to Diana, who was noble ... but not royal like the H.R.H.
        3. Prince William to Catherine Middleton.
    FYI when I was Belgium and I read a story in Point de Vue, a magazine that focuses on nobility, about the maker of china souvenirs (mugs, plates, etc.) who had already made items with William & Cate's initials intertwined ... his "W" first .... her "C" second ... then destroyed them all.  Reason being that WC had the wrong connotation and they redid them with the "C" on top sitting in the open "W" -- deemed to be more suitable.
                -- Robert Hickey

How Do I List a Deceased Hostess on an Invitation?
Dear Mr. Hickey:
    I have a quick question that I am hoping you might be able to answer. A baby shower was to be hosted by two individuals. Regretfully, one of the individuals passed away about a week ago. The family asks that the deceased still be listed as hostess on the invitation. How would that be worded?
             Posthumously Caroline Giles
                   or
            The Late Caroline Giles
     Please advise.
         --- Helen Carley

Dear Ms. Carley:
   Invitations are issued by host who will attend an event. What you should do is decide who will host the event now. THEN the host would open the event with a welcome toast and loving remembrance ... such as ... I cannot welcome you today without saying that as we gather to celebrate of the joyous start of a new life -- we also celebrate a another life well lived -- that of Caroline Giles. Caroline an I were to jointly host this event and nothing would have brought her more joy than to see this wonderful gathering of friends and family ..... etc.
          -- Robert Hickey

How to List a Deceased Father on an Invitation?
       I am in a dilemma. 
       I thought it might be nice to include my fiance's parents -- not in the hosting line, but after his name, such as Mr. & Mrs. John L. Foster request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Susan Renee to Donald Joseph Smith, son of Mr. & Mrs. Harold B. Smith.  However,  his father is deceased. 
      Since I am using Mr. & Mrs. John Doe for my parents on the hosting line, then it should be congruent when I mention his parents son of Mr. & Mrs. Harold Smith but with his father being deceased, every etiquette guide I found said they'd be written such as son of the late Mr. & Mrs. Harold Smith -- BUT that makes it sound as if BOTH his parents are deceased.
       How should I do this?
            -- Natalie Foster

Dear Ms. Foster:
      If you want to include his parents use:
            son of Mrs. Harold B. Smith
      This makes it clear that he is deceased ... since she is still using "Mrs." and his name.
      If your fiance thinks this is unacceptable, another option -- which I think is bit awkward -- but it is certainly clear is:
            son of Mrs. Harold B. Smith and the late Mr. Smith
      My niece Katie, got married last year and was in a similar situation:  
            Katie's fiance was Ian Dexter. His father, Kevin Dexter, died several years ago.
            His mother subsequently married John G. Graham.
            Ian wanted his father remembered on the invitation.
            Their invitation read:
                  son of Mrs. John G. Graham and the late Mr. Kevin Dexter
       -- Robert Hickey

How to List Honored Guests on an Invitation?
      We are having Sheriff Joe Ortega speak at an event we are holding in October.  How should I list his name on the formal invitation?
            Featuring Special Guests
            The Honorable Joe Ortega, Sheriff of Maricopa County
            James Ross, Red Rock Financial Services
      Thank you!
              -- Carol Kim, Rossner & Green, Scottsdale, Arizona

Dear Ms. Kim:
    The form of the sheriff's name is good.
    Since Sheriff Ortega is an Honorable ... I would give James Ross a Mr. just for parity.
    I've not seen featuring special guests used in writing on a truly formal invitation.  Designating Orgeta and Ross as "special" and sending the invitation to a recipient who is a guest too ... means that the invitation's recipient is not a special guest. Right?  All your guests are special!
    More typically it's worded ...